DYING OF THIRST

I can never win. Today at work I was criticized for not bringing any donuts. Several of the justices called me selfish, while others said that I was not a team player. I decided not to worry about their playing their little game, as there is no way I can win.

At lunch I had to sit alone, as usual. The other justices gathered at a far table while I was forced to eat with the JA’s. One of them, a 22 year old punk from Pittsburgh, was even comfortable enough with me to call me, “Bob.” What gall! I noticed that Justice Thomas wasn’t eating with the others, so I went to look for him. Yesterday he borrowed a dollar from me, and I wanted it back so I could get a soda from the machine.

I found him in one of the clerk’s office, massaging her shoulders. When he spotted me, he immediately quit. Slightly embarrassed, I kindly asked if I could get my dollar back. He acted like he didn’t know what I was talking about, saying he had never borrowed anything from me. What a liar! Oh, I see what it’s like, now.

Since I couldn’t get a soda, I went through the rest of the day thirsty. I can’t believe Clarence lied like that. What a jerk. By the end of the day, I just wanted to go home, already. I found a rude surprise in my locker. Someone had dumped their cat’s litter box all over my clothes. It smelled so horrible; I had to go home in my black robe. This was particularly bad because after work I had to stop at Wal-Mart to buy Jane a feminine product. The black robe drew unnecessary attention to me as I tried to discretely purchase the embarrassing item.

At the check-out I saw that they had a fridge full of cold sodas. Still dying of thirst, I decided to try a new product called, “Mountain Dew Pitch Black.” In honesty, it wasn’t very good. I ended throwing more than half of it away. Driving home, I thought that I should ask Justice O’Connor how many of the justices have cats. I’ll have to remember to do that before the weekend.

Until tomorrow,
John Roberts, #17