THE GREASY SPOON

I had a great conversation with Justice O’Connor today. Sandy and I met for coffee in a remote diner in Bethesda before court today. It was a real greasy spoon, but Sandy said no one would recognize us because the average patron there is illiterate and doesn’t keep up with current events. Surprisingly, she was right; no one recognized us, despite our black robes. Somebody actually asked us if we were part of the Renaissance Festival.

Sandy explained to me that when someone starts a new job, they automatically receive a series of “ignorant” cards, or “Trump” cards, as she calls them. These Trump cards are not literal, but symbolic. They basically represent mistakes that you’re allowed to make once, because you’re new. For example: “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know I couldn’t park there; it won’t happen again,” then turn in your parking Trump card. Or, “Oh, gee, I didn’t realize we couldn’t sleep in the break room during session,” then turn in your sleeping in the break room during session Trump card (there are separate Trump cards for sleeping in different places).

I was excited about taking advantage of this information. Sandy told me not to use them all at once, as I’ve been appointed to this job for life. That made a lot of sense. Sandy and I also talked about her family and why she’s retiring (sick of the harassment- Justice Thomas, ‘nuff said). I thanked her profusely for taking me under her wing and filling me in on the lesser-known details of working at the Supreme Court. Before she left, she warned me that the hazing would continue, and to be watching for a paper bag on fire in front of my office door.

On the way to court I stopped at a 7-11 to get a Big Gulp. The girl working knew who I was and asked for my autograph, and I obliged. Searching for my wallet, I was horror-stricken to realized that I had left it at home. The girl told me not to worry about paying for the drink, as it was “on the house.” It’s good to be chief!

Until later,
John Roberts, #17