BACK FROM THE DEAD

I realize that you're probably wondering where this blog has been for almost two years, and I can tell you that it's absence was through no fault of my own. As a prank, Justice Scalia, et. al., decided to change my Blogger password. It seems that one of the justices happened upon this blog by accident, as multitudes before them have, and didn't like what they saw. They simply didn't like that I portayed them as the immature dolts that they are. Now, two years later, I finally discovered their password. It literally took two years to put every conceivable group of letters together until I got it right. The password they set up was, "worstbossever." Losers!

As I'm sure you're aware, I'm not the newest guy here anymore. Last January G.W.B. appointed Sammy Alito, some Mexican guy. At first I was so excited that it would be my turn to haze someone. I would practice my hazing techniques at home constantly, ready for that fateful day. When that day came, however, it didn't go entirely as I had planned. As everyone gathered in the mess hall, I snuck up behind the unsuspecting Sammy and began choking him mercilessly with a firehose. I could not believe the reaction! The other justices got mad at me and called me a jerk and worse. But I got that idea from them, they did it to me at the Christmas party!

Well, anyway, since then they all love Sammy and still hate me. I can't win. Ever. To this day they treat me like a red-headed stepchild. I suspect that they even tried to poison me last month, which would explain why I keep having brain seisures. But I found a way to get back at them. If a justice ticks me off now, I "accidentally" make an accounting error in his or her paycheck. Oops! Sorry, I'll correct it and give you a new check Monday. Enjoy the weekend with no money!